It falls.

The rain hasn't stopped falling all day, it's pouring outside and flooding through the walls into my space.
My mind aches as my heart screams to stop beating. I haven't spoken a word all weekend.
To myself or to anyone else.
I've chosen to remain silent, solitary and sad.

I am hurting. A self infliction no one could comprehend.

Time goes on despite my plea for it to stop dead in it's tracks. The clock ticks and my boredom is drowning me alive.

The rain, it's falling into my life. My world is a flood. Slowly I am sinking beneath the rising waters, slowly I am disappearing.

I don't understand myself, my mind or my needs.

I battle with the thought of selling every material possession  I own, freeing myself from debt and of the troubles of life and running.
Running as far and fast as I can into nothing. away from everything. Away from myself.

I seek numbness, I wish to disappear without a trace and most of all without notice.
If I could cease to be without hurting anyone, without being missed I would.

I hang on the sheer fact of my mother's sacrifice for me to be. I hang on the threads of knowing she almost gave her life to give me mine. This alone leaves me trying to see through the darkness.