Here I am sitting in silence listening to the unforgiving screaming of my mind. Thoughts have never manifested at such a rapid pace. I can't pinpoint any one thing leaving only the overbearing emotions in control.
It's still the early hours of the day yet I feel the weakness of a thousand passing seconds. Perhaps though time steadily moves my tattered mind feels every second of every minute with every hour.
There's so much I could say but there's no energy to do such. There's no energy other than what little is needed to make my heart beat. Even it's steady thumping has slowed to a crawl.
I don't question things anymore or at least I haven't today. I've just been an object that's merely moving in the spaces between.
"Dear mother, I love you
I'm sorry, I wasn't good enough
Dear father, forgive me
'Cause in your eyes, I just never added up
In my heart I know I failed you, but my mind left me alone
If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?
'Cause I remember everything.
If I could help you forget, (me) would you take my regrets?
'Cause I remember everything.
Dear sister, please don't blame me
I only did what I thought was truly right
It's a long and lonely road, when you know you walk alone
If only I could erase myself from time and from the hearts that let me in. If only I could be a faceless figure with no name with nothing to leave behind. If only life would have dealt a hand that could be played and not folded and turned to sand.
It's still the early hours of the day yet I feel the weakness of a thousand passing seconds. Perhaps though time steadily moves my tattered mind feels every second of every minute with every hour.
There's so much I could say but there's no energy to do such. There's no energy other than what little is needed to make my heart beat. Even it's steady thumping has slowed to a crawl.
I don't question things anymore or at least I haven't today. I've just been an object that's merely moving in the spaces between.
"In the end as you fade into the night, who will the story of your life?
and who will remember your last goodbye
Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid to die.."
I feel no connections to myself or to anyone or anything. The displacement is so vast and wide that no bridge could close the gap. I've spoken of similar tendencies and contemplations before but this is profoundly different, profoundly new.
I don't want to be the cause of pain to other's especially the ones I hold dear so I pray for understanding and the strength to overcome. These prayers are for them and not for myself. I simply ask for forgiveness and pray for God's hand to embrace my fading soul.
"Dear mother, I love you
I'm sorry, I wasn't good enough
Dear father, forgive me
'Cause in your eyes, I just never added up
In my heart I know I failed you, but my mind left me alone
If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?
'Cause I remember everything.
If I could help you forget, (me) would you take my regrets?
'Cause I remember everything.
Dear sister, please don't blame me
I only did what I thought was truly right
It's a long and lonely road, when you know you walk alone
It all went by so fast;
I still can't change the past
I always will remember everything
If we could start again,
Would that have changed the end?
We remember everything, everything..."
I still can't change the past
I always will remember everything
If we could start again,
Would that have changed the end?
We remember everything, everything..."
My energy fails me today so there's no willpower to make my fingers do the speaking. There's just nothing, nothing.
If only I could erase myself from time and from the hearts that let me in. If only I could be a faceless figure with no name with nothing to leave behind. If only life would have dealt a hand that could be played and not folded and turned to sand.
