I feel my days have become numbered by the silent, deadly pain inside. I use to dream of the future now I can't see one or anything at all.
There is always help when there is hope but when hope has turned stale all help is overgrown with thick moss. I'm lost within a jungle of jagged vines and wild animals. Even words have stopped flowing from my tongue. A silent night, a deadly night.
When inner pain turns outward and mental anguish becomes physical the escape is impossible. I can no longer run with broken legs. I can no longer fly with clipped wings.
On June 30th, 69 days ago, I started writing a letter, one that's beginning will soon have an end. A story of the battle that's viciously consumed everything I am and was. A life is only as good as it's purpose but when every day lived becomes a day in pain the purpose is lost.
What's one to do when they don't know who they are and they can no longer see what they could be?
There are always questions and there will always been answers written upon endless pages of truth. My truths are my failures I've succumbed to.There's no one at fault other than myself. There's no one to blame except the ghost that's stares at me through the mirrors. Blank eyes fixed upon a vacant face. A smile lost in the tangled webs of deceit, lies and hidden truths.
My story should have been told so long ago yet I failed in letting my voice speak. There's only bleak mumbles and muffled cries. The voice that once spoke is now maimed. My heart's barely beating as my lungs fight to breathe.
The world around me is one that I no longer know and am a mere stranger existing through the spaces in time. Some may call this giving up while I call it seeking peace. Sometimes finding peace is going beyond yourself and the world you know. I no longer know this place I call home and I no longer feel it is one.
I've been blessed with endless love from an amazing family and with support that healed my broken wings just a little while longer. I will always love them and they will always be in my heart.
My home now will be amongst God's kingdom as He is in my heart and through Him, all is forgiven.
Far from my body but NEVER my heart. There are no words left to say.
I love you. I'm sorry.
There is always help when there is hope but when hope has turned stale all help is overgrown with thick moss. I'm lost within a jungle of jagged vines and wild animals. Even words have stopped flowing from my tongue. A silent night, a deadly night.
When inner pain turns outward and mental anguish becomes physical the escape is impossible. I can no longer run with broken legs. I can no longer fly with clipped wings.
On June 30th, 69 days ago, I started writing a letter, one that's beginning will soon have an end. A story of the battle that's viciously consumed everything I am and was. A life is only as good as it's purpose but when every day lived becomes a day in pain the purpose is lost.
What's one to do when they don't know who they are and they can no longer see what they could be?
There are always questions and there will always been answers written upon endless pages of truth. My truths are my failures I've succumbed to.There's no one at fault other than myself. There's no one to blame except the ghost that's stares at me through the mirrors. Blank eyes fixed upon a vacant face. A smile lost in the tangled webs of deceit, lies and hidden truths.
My story should have been told so long ago yet I failed in letting my voice speak. There's only bleak mumbles and muffled cries. The voice that once spoke is now maimed. My heart's barely beating as my lungs fight to breathe.
The world around me is one that I no longer know and am a mere stranger existing through the spaces in time. Some may call this giving up while I call it seeking peace. Sometimes finding peace is going beyond yourself and the world you know. I no longer know this place I call home and I no longer feel it is one.
I've been blessed with endless love from an amazing family and with support that healed my broken wings just a little while longer. I will always love them and they will always be in my heart.
My home now will be amongst God's kingdom as He is in my heart and through Him, all is forgiven.
Far from my body but NEVER my heart. There are no words left to say.
" Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more....."
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more....."
I love you. I'm sorry.
