Yesterday was another 24 hours of being controlled by Despair. A puppet commanded by the strings of a disease. My disease that left me a hostage of an atrocious mind. A prisoner smothering alone in a chamber of emotions.
Trying to calm myself enough to type this out has become an exerting endeavor that's crippling the components of my intelligence. Rendering me temporarily incapacitated and verbally dismembered.
A humorous attempt to slap a makeshift band-aid on these wounds would be as effective as a cardboard cutout in tsunami. Worthlessly thrown about and shredded like cheese in a grater. Despair has ripped the smile from my face and torn the happiness from my heart.
Perplexity.
Insanity.
An anarchy of tyrants tangled in the labyrinth. My torturous labyrinth.
My darkened disarray. My personal perception.
Do not try to comprehend that which can not be understood. The assmilation of this connection is impossible.
Actions speak louder than words but when the screaming is maimed the actions are blurred. My eyes are hazed over by the grip of Despair. He's clenching me so tightly I can barely breathe. The movement is frozen, the heart has stopped. My blood is dripping from his fingers and spattered on the walls.
I'm chanting "mind over matter," "mind over matter" but my mind is fighting a torrent trying to hear my pleas.
Recovery lies in absolution. My lies are contaminated with harsh truths. They fall upon deafened ears and weakened hearts.
I am weary.
I am not myself.
I am broken as I've always been.
I'm reaching for the pieces but watching them shatter. Shatter into nothing.
Annihilation. Devastation. Dysfunctional apathy.
Shatter. Shatter. Smoother. Shallow breathing. Bleeding. Beating. Pounding. STOP.
Trying to calm myself enough to type this out has become an exerting endeavor that's crippling the components of my intelligence. Rendering me temporarily incapacitated and verbally dismembered.
A humorous attempt to slap a makeshift band-aid on these wounds would be as effective as a cardboard cutout in tsunami. Worthlessly thrown about and shredded like cheese in a grater. Despair has ripped the smile from my face and torn the happiness from my heart.
Perplexity.
Insanity.
An anarchy of tyrants tangled in the labyrinth. My torturous labyrinth.
My darkened disarray. My personal perception.
Do not try to comprehend that which can not be understood. The assmilation of this connection is impossible.
Actions speak louder than words but when the screaming is maimed the actions are blurred. My eyes are hazed over by the grip of Despair. He's clenching me so tightly I can barely breathe. The movement is frozen, the heart has stopped. My blood is dripping from his fingers and spattered on the walls.
I'm chanting "mind over matter," "mind over matter" but my mind is fighting a torrent trying to hear my pleas.
Recovery lies in absolution. My lies are contaminated with harsh truths. They fall upon deafened ears and weakened hearts.
I am weary.
I am not myself.
I am broken as I've always been.
I'm reaching for the pieces but watching them shatter. Shatter into nothing.
Annihilation. Devastation. Dysfunctional apathy.
Shatter. Shatter. Smoother. Shallow breathing. Bleeding. Beating. Pounding. STOP.
