Sitting in silence and starring into nothing, this would be one of the better descriptions of my time as of late. Trying to understand this strangled state I'm in would be like trying to jump the Grand Canyon. You can see in the distance but you can't see what lies between and the depth perception is diluted.
Food has been comfort and these eating habits are reminiscent of Okinawa. Eating gave me a quick fix, instant comfort until it gradually took it's toll and the reflection in the mirror spoke the truth. It's happening again. I can be in a state of self induced ignorance until I'm bitch slapped by reality.
The past few days I've eaten cake. I couldn't tell you why I have taken a liking to this but it's what I have been craving and what I'm craving is destroying me. Destroying the essence of who I am, what I am and what I'm known for. This temporary gratification has been quickly followed by humility, anger and sadness.
I can fool the world but I can't fool myself. I'm not always what I seem. They see a smile while I see tears. They hear laughing.. while I hear the cries.
Perhaps that's one of the root causes of this intangible insanity.
I've always had self expression as a release. A release that took on many forms. Writing, drawing, screaming hate songs during workouts. I've always had something and now there's nothing. I don't have the words to say, the thoughts to write, the emotions to feel, the energy to move.
This country is in the midst of a polar vortex and it feels like it's freezing me down to the core.
A core that's hollow.
I don't want to go down this road again yet I am so unsure how to shift it's direction.
Food has been comfort and these eating habits are reminiscent of Okinawa. Eating gave me a quick fix, instant comfort until it gradually took it's toll and the reflection in the mirror spoke the truth. It's happening again. I can be in a state of self induced ignorance until I'm bitch slapped by reality.
The past few days I've eaten cake. I couldn't tell you why I have taken a liking to this but it's what I have been craving and what I'm craving is destroying me. Destroying the essence of who I am, what I am and what I'm known for. This temporary gratification has been quickly followed by humility, anger and sadness.
I can fool the world but I can't fool myself. I'm not always what I seem. They see a smile while I see tears. They hear laughing.. while I hear the cries.
Perhaps that's one of the root causes of this intangible insanity.
I've always had self expression as a release. A release that took on many forms. Writing, drawing, screaming hate songs during workouts. I've always had something and now there's nothing. I don't have the words to say, the thoughts to write, the emotions to feel, the energy to move.
This country is in the midst of a polar vortex and it feels like it's freezing me down to the core.
A core that's hollow.
I don't want to go down this road again yet I am so unsure how to shift it's direction.
