Goosebumps on my skin remind me of the day's chilling weather. It's Thanksgiving, a day filled with all the wonderful things in life we are thankful for. All of these things were are all present today, all but one that wasn't and might never be.
It's been years since I've brought anyone to the table other than myself. It's been years since I got to do the "Holiday shuffle." It's been years since I got to curl up at day's end happy and full in the arms of someone who loves me.
I was reminded of this today as I involuntarily played musical chairs. The first move was to accommodate my older sister and her husband, the second was for my mom and boyfriend and the final switch was for my grandfather and grandmother. I was pretty sure if my younger sister and her boyfriend had been there I would have moved every time someone came to the table. Usually something like this wouldn't phase me but for some reason today it did. I looked at everyone sitting together as we ate and I watched everyone snuggled up afterwards. I drove over alone. I left alone and I am now home in my room, alone.
Usually my writings are fueled with emotions and though there are so many cycling through my mind I am still as frozen as the cold wind outside. I feel there is so much I could say but I am paralyzed at the thought of saying anything at all. I am a passionate, caring, affectionate person that's been in a stagnant outcast-ed state far longer than I ever could have imagined.
I know I am loved and in just knowing this I am content but when days like today occur I find myself day dreaming with a broken heart.
It's been years since I've brought anyone to the table other than myself. It's been years since I got to do the "Holiday shuffle." It's been years since I got to curl up at day's end happy and full in the arms of someone who loves me.
I was reminded of this today as I involuntarily played musical chairs. The first move was to accommodate my older sister and her husband, the second was for my mom and boyfriend and the final switch was for my grandfather and grandmother. I was pretty sure if my younger sister and her boyfriend had been there I would have moved every time someone came to the table. Usually something like this wouldn't phase me but for some reason today it did. I looked at everyone sitting together as we ate and I watched everyone snuggled up afterwards. I drove over alone. I left alone and I am now home in my room, alone.
Usually my writings are fueled with emotions and though there are so many cycling through my mind I am still as frozen as the cold wind outside. I feel there is so much I could say but I am paralyzed at the thought of saying anything at all. I am a passionate, caring, affectionate person that's been in a stagnant outcast-ed state far longer than I ever could have imagined.
I know I am loved and in just knowing this I am content but when days like today occur I find myself day dreaming with a broken heart.
