Confusion paints the color of the day. I am baffled at the struggles my mind and body are experiencing.
How is that someone so full of life and energy suddenly has none?
How is it that someone who has the world at her fingertips and the opportunity of a life time feels so lifeless?
To me this makes no sense.
As I sit here trying to type my vision is blurry and my muscles feel weak. This seems to be the trend as of late. Yet what's so puzzling is the fact that I can be sitting at work feeling just fine until I get behind the wheel.
It's as if my car has become my bed.
I didn't even make it down the street driving home before I felt as if I was moving in slow motion.
Eyes heavy, arms heavy and my mind completely exhausted. Even tapping my foot, rolling the windows down and turning the music up didn't break me from this daze.
It's utterly depressing.
My world revolves around being active yet I have strained at the ability to do so. Not working out leads to depression and a distorted self image. A vicious cycle I want no part of.
There's a huge possibility I could ruin my shot at a second chance that could change my world.
I suppose when you are so high that there's only room to come down. I see the changes in my body and it messes with my mind. For one of the first times ever I'm actually embarrassed of myself.
Absurd isn't it?
At times I have been in a similar state of mind but as crazy as it sounds this could be the worst it's been.
God is present in my world. He's watching over me and I know he would never let anything happen that wasn't part of His plan. I could have sworn I saw this so clearly when everything started changing. I prayed for it, hoped for it and dreamed of it.
Now, it's back to square one.
What's happening?
Why is this happening?
Why does it have to be now?
Are you trying to speak to me God?
What are you trying to say?
I am listening even for the whispers.
Something's got to give and it's got to be NOW.
Off to the Dr I go tomorrow. A new Dr. Any Dr. Perhaps someone with an outside perspective can see what the others haven't.
Time to pray. Time to lay down and hope this horrible feeling passes.
How is that someone so full of life and energy suddenly has none?
How is it that someone who has the world at her fingertips and the opportunity of a life time feels so lifeless?
To me this makes no sense.
As I sit here trying to type my vision is blurry and my muscles feel weak. This seems to be the trend as of late. Yet what's so puzzling is the fact that I can be sitting at work feeling just fine until I get behind the wheel.
It's as if my car has become my bed.
I didn't even make it down the street driving home before I felt as if I was moving in slow motion.
Eyes heavy, arms heavy and my mind completely exhausted. Even tapping my foot, rolling the windows down and turning the music up didn't break me from this daze.
It's utterly depressing.
My world revolves around being active yet I have strained at the ability to do so. Not working out leads to depression and a distorted self image. A vicious cycle I want no part of.
There's a huge possibility I could ruin my shot at a second chance that could change my world.
I suppose when you are so high that there's only room to come down. I see the changes in my body and it messes with my mind. For one of the first times ever I'm actually embarrassed of myself.
Absurd isn't it?
At times I have been in a similar state of mind but as crazy as it sounds this could be the worst it's been.
God is present in my world. He's watching over me and I know he would never let anything happen that wasn't part of His plan. I could have sworn I saw this so clearly when everything started changing. I prayed for it, hoped for it and dreamed of it.
Now, it's back to square one.
What's happening?
Why is this happening?
Why does it have to be now?
Are you trying to speak to me God?
What are you trying to say?
I am listening even for the whispers.
Something's got to give and it's got to be NOW.
Off to the Dr I go tomorrow. A new Dr. Any Dr. Perhaps someone with an outside perspective can see what the others haven't.
Time to pray. Time to lay down and hope this horrible feeling passes.
