The following writing is a very emotional, personal piece I wrote on a night that has since forever changed my life. I share this in hopes of putting those that read it and know the truth into my mind, my feelings and my actions.
I did not remember writing it until I came upon it weeks later.
Circles, never ending vicious cycles consuming your mind of possible escapes.
I cannot escape that which is me.
I am depressed. Lost in a darkness that’s blackness grows like wild moss with each day.
I cannot breathe.
I am smothering in air growing thinner with each passing moment.
Fuck this.
Fuck life.
What’s living if there is nothing worth living for?
I am as meaningful as a grain of sand in the desert.
Thousands, millions, trillions of grains none more different than the next.
My chest rises, it falls.
I want it to stop.
I want to slip into the darkness forever. Peaceful escape. Surrender to the feelings that shatter like shards of glass cutting into my skin like vicious fending dogs.
I hate everything.
I hate myself.
I hate this so called “blessing” of life I was given. My mother nearly gave her own so that I could live in vain. What fairness is there to a rhetorical irony?
My life is a joke. Yes to answer you I am fucking bitter. More bitter than a bottle of salt.
I’m a on round a bout that hasn’t stopped since I was a kid. There’s an asshole spinning it 90 to nothing and all I can fucking do is cling to the metal bars and pray to God it will one day stop & a I will plummet off the face of this merciless earth forever.
I did not remember writing it until I came upon it weeks later.
Circles, never ending vicious cycles consuming your mind of possible escapes.
I cannot escape that which is me.
I am depressed. Lost in a darkness that’s blackness grows like wild moss with each day.
I cannot breathe.
I am smothering in air growing thinner with each passing moment.
Fuck this.
Fuck life.
What’s living if there is nothing worth living for?
I am as meaningful as a grain of sand in the desert.
Thousands, millions, trillions of grains none more different than the next.
My chest rises, it falls.
I want it to stop.
I want to slip into the darkness forever. Peaceful escape. Surrender to the feelings that shatter like shards of glass cutting into my skin like vicious fending dogs.
I hate everything.
I hate myself.
I hate this so called “blessing” of life I was given. My mother nearly gave her own so that I could live in vain. What fairness is there to a rhetorical irony?
My life is a joke. Yes to answer you I am fucking bitter. More bitter than a bottle of salt.
I’m a on round a bout that hasn’t stopped since I was a kid. There’s an asshole spinning it 90 to nothing and all I can fucking do is cling to the metal bars and pray to God it will one day stop & a I will plummet off the face of this merciless earth forever.
